Saturday, October 27, 2012

"Sometimes I have the strangest feeling about you. Especially when you are near me as you are now. It feels as though I had a string tied here under my left rib where my heart is, tightly knotted to you in a similar fashion. And when you go, with all that distance between us, I am afraid that this cord will be snapped, and I shall bleed inwardly."

That is how I feel right now.

Endings are bittersweet...but this one was made especially painful by my hopeful expectation that something--anything--would remain. And so I'm left to wonder whether or not I made the right decision. Is it better to say something and wish you hadn't, or risk the regret of not saying anything at all? I was very forward and honest. I fought. And now I'm retreating, leaving the option in another's hands. That terrifies me, but I've done all I can for what I felt was right.

"Am I a machine with out feelings? Do you think that because I am poor, plain, obscure, and little that I am soulless and heartless? I have as much soul as you and full as much heart. And if God had possessed me with beauty and wealth, I could make it as hard for you to leave me as I to leave you."

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It's been a hard couple of weeks, but I am happy. I have been blessed with wonderful, trying, and strengthening experiences.

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