I knew that was the answer, but that didn't make it any easier to hear it. It suddenly felt harder to breathe. My chest still feels weighed down. I feel overwhelmed with reality. October has gone by so incredibly fast; I often find myself having to cross off days on the calendar that I've missed. Then I'm hit with these moments, and I'm reminded that this is life. The decisions I'm making are real. It's terrifying and exhilarating and heartbreaking and happy and painful. And right now, it's crippling. But every time I've fallen down, I've come back stronger than before. For God hath not given me the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. I have a testimony of that.