That kind of describes how I've been feeling for the past week. I'm not really sure what has brought me to this, but it has become increasingly difficult to accomplish anything. I want to get out and have fun, but I sometimes literally cannot pull myself out of bed. Today was better than the past few days, but it's hard because now I have a lot of catching up to do.
A book on my shelf caught my eye. It's a collection of quotes by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. I actually was a little disappointed to see it because it was given to me by someone who used to mean a lot to me. I opened it up and sure enough, the same small love note was inside. Then the usual pathetic tears. I quickly flipped to a random page, hoping a find a quote that would make me feel better.
"Fighting through darkness and despair and pleading for the light is what opened up this dispensation. It is what keeps it going, and it is what will keep you going."
More tears, but this time tears of comfort were mixed in. I flipped to another page:
"Just believing, just having a molecule of faith--that simple step, when focused on the Lord Jesus Christ, has ever been and always will be not only the first principle of His eternal gospel but also the first step out of despair."
The word stuck out to me. Could it happen again? So I flipped through the pages one last time, only to find this:
"In a world of discouragement, sorrow, and overmuch sin, in times when fear and despair seem to prevail, when humanity is feverish with no worldly physicians in sight, I too say: Trust Jesus. Let Him still the tempest and ride upon the storm. Believe that He can lift mankind from its bed of affliction, in time and in eternity."
I wish I could say that I'm happy Sarah again, but I'm not. I wish I could tell you all that everything is okay, but it's not. What I can tell you, though, is that the Gospel is true. I don't just believe it. I know it. What I'm truly struggling with right now is feeling lonely. The adversary wants me to feel alone because he wants me to be miserable like he is. But I am surrounded by people who love and care about me. I feel the presence of God whenever I pray in earnest. I know He is listening to me. He has blessed me with so many tender mercies. I can feel the compassion of my Savior. Because Jesus Christ has experienced complete isolation, I never have to be alone.