Monday, November 26, 2012

Despair. 

That kind of describes how I've been feeling for the past week. I'm not really sure what has brought me to this, but it has become increasingly difficult to accomplish anything. I want to get out and have fun, but I sometimes literally cannot pull myself out of bed. Today was better than the past few days, but it's hard because now I have a lot of catching up to do.

A book on my shelf caught my eye. It's a collection of quotes by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. I actually was a little disappointed to see it because it was given to me by someone who used to mean a lot to me. I opened it up and sure enough, the same small love note was inside. Then the usual pathetic tears. I quickly flipped to a random page, hoping a find a quote that would make me feel better.

"Fighting through darkness and despair and pleading for the light is what opened up this dispensation. It is what keeps it going, and it is what will keep you going."

More tears, but this time tears of comfort were mixed in. I flipped to another page:

"Just believing, just having a molecule of faith--that simple step, when focused on the Lord Jesus Christ, has ever been and always will be not only the first principle of His eternal gospel but also the first step out of despair."

The word stuck out to me. Could it happen again? So I flipped through the pages one last time, only to find this:

"In a world of discouragement, sorrow, and overmuch sin, in times when fear and despair seem to prevail, when humanity is feverish with no worldly physicians in sight, I too say: Trust Jesus. Let Him still the tempest and ride upon the storm. Believe that He can lift mankind from its bed of affliction, in time and in eternity."

I wish I could say that I'm happy Sarah again, but I'm not. I wish I could tell you all that everything is okay, but it's not. What I can tell you, though, is that the Gospel is true. I don't just believe it. I know it.   What I'm truly struggling with right now is feeling lonely. The adversary wants me to feel alone because he wants me to be miserable like he is. But I am surrounded by people who love and care about me. I feel the presence of God whenever I pray in earnest. I know He is listening to me. He has blessed me with so many tender mercies. I can feel the compassion of my Savior. Because Jesus Christ has experienced complete isolation, I never have to be alone.

Hope.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Jenna Bug & Rahrah


The Unforgettable Summer
October 20, 2010
Revised October 21, 2012



It was a typical summer day; warm, sunny, and dry. However, this beautiful day was about to become very atypical and blaze a terrible, yet comedic, memory into my mind.

A year earlier, I had moved to Lehi, Utah. I became fast friends with my backyard neighbors Jenna and Emilie. Amelia, my little sister, usually tagged along. Over the summer break from school, we spent every day making smoothies, playing board games, and chasing boys. A gate between our yards connected our worlds. We would have water fights all day and waste hours on the swing set. Hearing “it’s time to come home for dinner” from my mother’s lips was torturous. Amelia and I inhaled the meal and raced back to Jenna and Emilie’s house every time. Summer nights boasted temperate weather and building forever friendships. We fell asleep on the tramp to the breeze and woke up with mosquito bites. I couldn’t have been happier.

On this particularly momentous day, of which I referred to earlier, not only did something horrifyingly unforgettable happen, but the friendship I had with Jenna, Emilie, and Amelia blossomed into a relationship of trust in life and death matters.

We were jumping on the trampoline, allowing our imaginations to stretch to full capacity. “And then, a stampede of zebras came!” yelled Jenna. We all giggled and pretended to be scared.

“Don’t worry, I will save you!” announced Emilie, in her best prince charming voice.

Our minds fashioned a cloud of dust and rumbling stampede. But no matter how promising our young creativity was, nothing was as convincing as a real cloud of dust, which is exactly what we saw.

“What IS that?” I screamed at the approaching force.

Biology explains an inherent response to distress: either removing oneself from the problem, or aggression. This phenomenon is more commonly known as “fight or flight”. Amelia, too feeble to fight against the unknown, exemplified the “flight” response by zooming to the tree house and soaring to the top thereof. The rest of us paid no attention, as we were focused on the oncoming herd of cows. Yes, cows; chunky, milky, and fuzzy. Down the street from our houses was a small farm. They must have broken free and were running away from the zebra stampede too…

Emilie and I soon joined Amelia at the top of the tree house. We poked our heads out and called for Jenna. Being the oldest and toughest, Jenna refused to climb to safety. Charlie, her pet dachshund, barked madly and circled dizzily around the base of the tree house.

Upon arriving at the scene, the cows just passed right through. Anticlimactic, is it not? Our shrieks were silenced and the adrenaline pumping through me began to subside. Emilie, Amelia, and I returned to Jenna on the tramp and broke into a fit of silly laughter. We rolled around and giggled.

“You were SO scared Amelia. Suddenly, you were, like, GONE! I just wanted to stay down here and see them.” Jenna explained her vantage point of the story and completed it with a question, “where did they come from?”

Amelia, still shaken, laughed nervously. Before Emilie and I could answer, her mom had stepped outside. “Mom! Mom, mom, mom!!!” we all exclaimed.

“What was all that screaming about? You girls need to calm down.” Before turning back to the open door, her eyes caught the trampled flower bed. The cows, in their hurry to run away from the zebra stampede, had inadvertently demolished, destroyed, and decimated Jenna and Emilie’s mom’s flowers. “My flowers! What happened? What did you do?!” She was furious.

“But Mom, the cows! They were running! And there were thousands of them! And we yelled at them. But they wouldn’t stop! MOM! It was the cows!” Emilie might or might not have exaggerated in her attempt to dispel her mom’s anger.

“Emilie Nicole Marsden! Don’t lie to me! I need you girls to leave my flowers alone.”

Later, a neighbor called to ask her if she had seen the cow stampede passing through. She apologized to her daughters, Amelia, and me. “Your story was just so impractical! I’m sorry I didn’t believe you, Emilie.”

Since then, there have been many times in my life that I’ve thought back to this moment. No, I’m not about to make up a stupid analogy about how cows represent some negative emotion and climbing the tree house is our safeguard and whatnot. I will, however, point out that this incident is most definitely movie-worthy.

The reason this has stuck with me is that I’ve always considered Jenna my closest friend. Not only that, but the strongest. She was always the one to stand up to the challenge and put herself in the middle of it all. She’s gone through so much, and I admire her strength.

Things change. Jenna, my best friend of twelve years, moved two hours away during my junior year of high school. And now, as she’s attending Snow College in Ephraim, we’re still kept apart. But one constant thing I can count on is the relationship we have and the trust we’ve built. Sure, things aren’t the summer fairytale that they once were. We no longer stay up all night singing Britney Spears and eating Tabasco-drenched popcorn. Instead of chasing boys, we’re crying about them and commiserating with each other. We don’t play as many games and our imaginations aren’t near as extensive as they once were. Neither of us have the time to be what we used to be: kids. Instead, we’re growing up. We’re both adults (ugh!)! We’re learning that the world is bigger than our backyards and trials are harder than a stampede of cows. It would be easier to go back, but it’s better to move on. 

In the past few weeks alone, our relationship has taken major strides. We’re working through challenges and we’re learning to be more honest with each other. Though things have become increasingly more difficult, I’m grateful for the happy summer memories we have to look back to. Though I am incapable of seeing Jenna the way that our Father and Savior see her, I am grateful for the glimpse they’ve given me of perfect love for a dear friend. 

Friday, November 23, 2012


One of my favorite things about BYUSA is the well defined vision and mission statement. My Student Council advisor last year also emphasized the importance of having a mission statement. So, cheesy as it may be, here is my mission statement.


As a daughter of God seeking to become more like my Savior, I strive to:
Radiate sunshine by cultivating a spirit of optimism and gratitude
Become a highly capable leader centered on Jesus Christ
Refine and increase the talents and knowledge that I have been blessed with
Be willing to submit to and wait upon the Lord
Develop a deeper and stronger testimony of the restored Gospel
Improve relationships with friends and family through effective communication
Actively serve graciously and with charity to all
Remain morally pure and virtuous, keeping the holy temple as my ultimate goal
Never doubt that I have the capacity to overcome any trial
Live my life on purpose, with passion, and to its full potential

Things have been rough, but I am determined to get better.

- Sarah Crandall

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Sorry people. So many emotions. Today I will try harder.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Come, thou fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of thy redeeming love.

Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
Hither by thy help I'm come;
And I hope, by thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed his precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for thy courts above.

This song so adequately describes how I'm feeling right now. I have been shown love and mercy from my Father. I desire to praise Him more than I ever have before! An Ebenezer is a remembrance stone that represents a new beginning or change of heart. I feel like I've had a change of heart in the past three months. I feel like the people of King Benjamin, who said in Mosiah 5 that the "Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent" had "wrought a mighty change" in their hearts. They wanted "to do good continually" and make covenants. I've made some mistakes in my life. I definitely strayed from the path that God would have me follow; but Jesus has saved me. I have two favorite lines in this song. The first is "He, to rescue me from danger, interposed his precious blood." I'm blessed to now have a strong testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I have faith in its ability to cleanse us of our sins and weaknesses. And so, I am completely reliant on the grace and mercy of my Savior. I feel like I'm in the process of becoming fully converted. I am "bind[ing] my wandering heart" to him. My second favorite line is that last line of the song: "Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for they courts above." Recent experiences have led me to believe that I have NO idea what I'm doing with my heart. Six months ago I had a ten/twenty/fifty year plan. I thought I knew who I was going to be with and what I would be doing for the rest of my life. I'm still in the process of purging my heart of those feelings (as has been made obvious by recent emotionally-charged posts). But I'm improving. I'm becoming stronger. I have an important work to do and God is preparing me for it. Everyday I'm working to get better at turning my heart over to Him. I truly want Him to take my heart and make it whatever He wants it to be. His love is more than enough for me.

His love is also more than enough for you. If you are making mistakes, or are sad, lonely, or afflicted, then turn to Him. And the more I understand and feel His love for me, the more I can feel His love for everyone else. He loves you enormously. (As do I.)

Thursday, November 15, 2012

When you least expect it.

There are people watching out for me. I'm grateful to live among so many spiritually receptive servants of God. For the first time ever, I have felt an overwhelming amount of support and love. In high school, I spent most of my lunches in the library or debate room doing homework. Though I tried really hard to fit in, nothing clicked. There were a few occasions when a person would reach out to help me, but besides that, I felt like my efforts to be friendly were largely ignored. 

Monday night, I was in desperate need of a priesthood blessing. My FHE brother and dad, Harrison and Sam, came and gave me a blessing with dedicated oil. They came prepared with the spirit. This blessing helped prepare me for the things I faced on Tuesday. 

A girl in my ward, Azya, has been especially kind to me. Wednesday morning, she woke up early to walk with me to work at 4 am. She didn't know what had happened to me Tuesday night. She only felt inspired to be there for me Wednesday morning. And we went to a fireside together that night where I was able to feel the spirit. I'm grateful that I did not have to sit alone. On top of inviting me to sit with her, we met up with a few other girls from the ward. It feels nice to finally fit in somewhere. 

On Wednesday, also, Harrison met up with me on campus to give me a hug. That was it. I texted him and told him I needed a hug, and immediately he was willing to step in. We met up and talked for a bit. I'm so grateful for his friendship. Since then, he's contacted me again today to make sure I'm doing alright. 

Elaine is a girl in my Spanish class that I've become very close with! We see each other every day in class and we've also spent a lot of time together outside of class. On Wednesday, she spent an hour with me. I don't think I would have been able to make it through that hour alone. We decided that we wanted to do something fun and out of the ordinary. A woman handed us a flier for a study abroad fair where Vocal Point would be performing. And they were serving free food! We had a great time!

I also received a text message from my dearest friend, Jenna Marsden. It was a silly comic, but it was enough to give me a little giggle. I love her so much for every time she's been there for me. I cannot wait until the next time I get to see her and hug her. It's been over 6 months, which is far too long.

This morning, the thing that has been trying me became more difficult. I felt dizzy and my breathing began to speed up. I didn't want to have another anxiety attack. I resolved to overcome this trial. I fell to my knees and prayed for the pain to be taken from me. As soon as I closed my prayer, my Dad called me. I couldn't keep from crying. He didn't know what was going on, but he called me at the precise moment I needed him.

My dear friend Emily--and roommate from Late Summer Honors--texted me today to let me know that she and Emily--another friend from Late Summer Honors--wanted to plan a lunch date with me. Emily and Emily don't know what's been going on. They don't know what happened to me this morning. They, however, have acted on the impression that I need help. We're meeting tomorrow.

Today, again, Elaine and I spent some time together. We talked and talked and talked about a lot things. Feelings, boys, relationships, etc. We have a lot of the same struggles with mental illnesses. It feels nice to talk with someone who understands what I'm going through.

While walking home from school today, I called my high school debate coach and told him about everything that's going on. He and I talked briefly about my depression when I was in school, so he's always sort of known what's going on. He has a way of always checking up on me without necessarily bringing it up. He's extremely perceptive. For example, at the first tournament I judged at this year, when I first saw him, he asked, "what's wrong?" I hadn't said anything to him, but he knew that I needed help. Today on the phone, he validated a lot of the decisions I've been making. He made me feel more confident about my conviction to serve a mission and helped me to see with an eternal perspective.

About two hours ago, David, the Elders Quorum president, called me to see if he and his presidency could visit me tonight. There's no way that he knows what I'm going through, but he knows that I need a visit. I'm actually pretty stoked that they're coming and I'm excited to see what it is they want to tell me! I know that it will be uplifting. 

AAAND, just barely, a guy from my ward named Paul called to ask me on a date for next Tuesday! 

This is almost getting a little ridiculous...what's next, you know???:) These examples that I've listed here are for this week alone. For the past four days only. 

I'M DYING. My debate coach just called me back. Not even kidding. He shared a story with me from his life about what kind of things were going on before his mission and how his mission changed everything for him. And how he knows that if he hadn't served a mission, his life would be drastically different and not near as fulfilling. He then listened to me more. He is great. He has had a major impact on my life.

In the book "Your Best Life Now" by Joel Osteen, it talks about living with expectancy. Live every day expecting that something great is about to happen. Expect that God is going to bless you and give you what you need when you need it. 

I can't help but think of one of my favorite Hilary Weeks, "When You Least Expect It." Earlier this week I was in complete despair. For the past six or so weeks, I've been aching. I felt like I had a long way to go. But here I am, feeling so much comfort. God is mindful of me and has sent His angels to watch over me.

"It's been raining for days with no sign of it letting up.
All I can think about is how much I miss the sun.
The sound is almost hypnotizing, pounding on the pavement,
And drop by drop I forget how good the sun feels on my face.

And through the shadows, beyond the clouds,
A ray of light hits my window.
I can't believe it, but I can see it right in front of my eyes

And that's when it happens,
When you least expect it

And you know God has heard every prayer.

That's when it happens
Love breaks through the darkness
And Heaven surprised you
When you least expect it.

I've quit counting the hours I've prayed for answers,
I can't help wondering how long I will have to wait.
And why is Heaven silent while I'm running out of words
I keep on knocking but nobody hears me standing at the door.

Then through the shadows
Beyond the doubt
Heaven sends the answer.
I can't believe it
But I can feel it
Deep inside of my heart."


And again, just had a spiritual conversation with my roommates. Clarissa told me that she was praying that my pain would be taken away and that she received a feeling that depression is a trial that God wants me to go through. I've received the same confirmation. God allows me to feel sadness so that I will someday understand and appreciate a fullness of joy. However, I don't have to go through it alone.

Wow people, I have so much to say right now. All I know is that one week ago, one day ago, even this morning, I was wondering when I'd be able to make it through. And maybe I'm not completely done with this bout...but this I do know: that Heaven is shining down on me right now.

Earlier this school year, probably near the beginning of September, I was listening to Henry B. Eyring's talk "Mountains to Climb" while at work. I prayed for a mountain to climb and for the strength to make it over. I prayed for a mountain to climb and was given Kilimanjaro. The journey has been rough so far, and harder than I expected, but the things I'm learning along the way are making it so worth it. Every day I feel like crying and giving up. And then, when I least expect it, God shines His love and light on me.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Every little thing is gonna be alright...

PEOPLE.

Now that you're all convinced that I'm absolutely crazy, here's a realization that I came to today with the help of my BYUSA executive director. He's responsible for helping me to develop as a leader while I focus on the planning and execution of my program. Once a week we have a stewardship meeting to lightly discuss my program and then focus on my goals and leadership qualities. 

He told me that some of the difficulties I've been having likely stem from the fact that my body and my spirit are conflicted. The biological make up of my body is prone to depression. I feel physically weak and sore all the time. I'm tired and frustrated. I'm getting no satisfaction out of things that I used to love to do. However, my spirit longs to be joyful. I have a strong testimony and a lot of faith. 

There's a misconception that people are depressed when they don't have enough faith; that if we'd only pray harder or read our scriptures more, the depression would go away. If this was true, then wouldn't the same advice apply to all trials? For example, if a loved one passes away, increased spirituality won't bring them back. Yes, it makes it easier to deal with trials, but it doesn't always make the trial go away. "Sometimes God calms the storm. Other times he lets the storm rage and He calms the child."

When talking with my doctor, and through some recent experiences, I've realized one other significant thing. Depression is a depressed mood. A person can still choose to be happy, but that doesn't get rid of their depressed mood. They can be grateful, optimistic, outgoing, hardworking, etc. Those qualities can sometimes make the depression easier to deal with, but they can also make a person wearisome for overexertion. 

My doctor said something that made me question my efforts: "Why are you trying so hard to be happy when you know you're sad? It's not wrong to be sad when something bad happens to you." We talked about healthy ways to deal with this and a timeline for how long I think it's appropriate to mourn this rejection. 

And so, yes, I'm pretty crazy. I feel more manic-depressant than anything. I'm trying to control my feelings to the extent that I don't bother my roommates and I'm still able to manage my classes. But I want to be honest about what I'm feeling. The more I try and cover up, the more baggage I'll have to deal with later. So if I'm sad, please love me. If I'm happy, love me still.

And I do firmly believe that every little thing is going to be alright. Maybe not right away, but according to His plan for my life.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

One of the best and worst qualities about me is hope. It's this ugly yearning inside of me that refuses to give up, even when all odds are against me. And so I hold on desperately to things that I know won't work out. But I hope they will.

I hope that in about 850 days from now, when we're both home from our missions, you fall in love with me again.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Happy memories from the past year and a half.



Girls' State, Walker City! - June 2011

Student Council Dixie Camp - July 2011

Titanic the Musical - April 2011

Junior Prom - May 2011

DISNEYLAND - November 2011

Beehive Bonanza Debate Tournament - October 2011

Debate Christmas Karaoke Party - December 2011

Sweater Swing - December 2011

Catalina Island - April 2012

Mrs. Peterson singing "happy birthday"

January 2012

GOP County Convention - April 2012

Senior Prom - April 2012

TSA Nationals in Nashville, TN - June 2012

Tina's Princess Party - June 2012

Neighborhood Block Party - July 2012

Gerardo and me - July 2012

Moving to Provo - August 2012

BYU Homecoming - October 2012

5k Honor Run - October 2012

Meeting my cousin Mary - October 2012

BYU Football games - September 2012
Late Summer Honors - August 2012



Sunday, November 11, 2012

"I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you. I wish I could run to you. And I hope you know that every time I don't, I almost do."

As pathetic as this may be, after everything that has happened, three months after the fact, I still have feelings for you. I've come to the realization that you could spit on me, rip out my hair, call me horrible names...but my feelings for you wouldn't change. You could step all over me or break my heart a million times, but I would still feel the same. Why? Because I served you. I helped you through some of the greatest challenges you've ever experienced. When you serve someone, you see them the way the Father and the Son see them. I see you as a child of God. He loves you and He has a wonderful purpose for you. I'm so excited for your future. I'm excited for the things you have learned and the things you have yet to learn.

And because I care about you, I sometimes have the strongest desire to call you, or show up at your door. I long to talk with you one more time. I'll keep praying that you'll invite me back into your life. Until then, every time I want to talk to you--every time I'm about to give in--I do two things. The first is that I pray. I immediately fall to my knees and cry to my Heavenly Father. The second is that I call one of my Grandmas. Those two women always know what to say to comfort me. I believe that comes from a lifetime of righteousness and service to God.

I guess what I'm trying to get at with this post are three things:

1) I still miss you and want to maintain a friendship with you.
2) I love and appreciate my Grandmas so much.
3) My period started AGAIN. This would be #5 since moving out less than 3 months ago. Every week I'm either on it or I'm pmsing, which has been a complete joy. So if I come off as really emotional, it's because I am. ALL THE TIME.

That's all. I'm going to bed now.

PS-I love you Mom and I am okay:)

Receiving my Patriarchal Blessing

The way my seminary teacher explained it, everybody has a Patriarchal Blessing. Right now. But not everyone has received their Patriarchal Blessing. I knew I had one, but I kept waiting for the right moment to get it. In October, after the Prophet announced that sisters could serve missions at age 19, I decided that I wanted to serve. Receiving my Patriarchal Blessing seemed like a necessary first step. However, I still hadn't been given the confirmation that I had waited for.

I met with the Bishop and got the recommend. Immediately I felt the Spirit testifying to me that not only was it right for me to get my Patriarchal Blessing, but it was right for me to wait as long as I did.

In the past three months, I have changed so much! I haven't always been willing to "submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord" (Mosiah 24:15). I thought I had my life figured out. I had a 10-year-plan that I talked incessantly of. Then in August, God took away a large part of it. I was heartbroken. To an extent, I still am. But I have learned to wholly rely on Him and His Son. Things aren't working out at all like I hoped they would. My life is being put back together the way that God wants it to be. I feel like I can truly say to Him, "here's my heart, oh take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

These experiences have greatly strengthened my testimony. In addition, I have been attending the temple regularly (which is another story in and of itself), reading the scriptures with urgency, and praying more fervently. When I received my Patriarchal Blessing on November 2nd, I felt truly prepared.

I heard so many wonderful things. In my Patriarchal Blessing, there are promises and warnings that are relevant to my life right now. There are also a lot of things that aren't relevant to my life yet. Certain themes stand out to me--themes that I've always known would characterize my life. I have been given answers and promises and blessings. It was a faith building experience. I look forward to using my Patriarchal Blessing in the future to guide me through life.

That night was literally the best night of my life. My parents picked me up, took me to get my blessing, and then we got dinner at my favorite restaurant, Costa Vida. Then we went to Lindsay and Rob's place in Lindon where I hula danced with Millie and played Just Dance with Amelia and Linds. I spent quality time in the presence of my family and the Spirit. When I was going to bed, I tried to think of all of the "best nights" that I've had. Nothing beats what I experienced that night. I am so grateful for the true, restored Church of Jesus Christ.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

I wish I knew how to explain everything that I'm feeling.



I apologize for the super emotionally crazy posts that I've been writing lately. I have no other justification except that I've been going through a lot of changes. I struggle with adjusting to change, so sometimes I just freak out. One of my biggest weaknesses is not being able to control my emotions. I realize that this causes myself a lot of pain, so I'm going to work on it. I promise. I also don't want to try and cover my emotions. If I'm sad, I want to be upfront about it. But I don't want to be overwhelmingly honest. I feel like I've learned a lot about myself, my limitations, and my testimony in the past few months. I have a lot left to learn!

Here's something that's been causing me some distress:

In the past week, I had two people who were important to me tell me that they don't want to be a part of my life anymore. Of course they verbalized it differently, but that's the basic effect. 

I'm not sure what to think about this. I already know that this isn't something that I want to bring me down, but then I think about all of the months I have ahead of me...I can't bear the thought of being without them. But if this is what's asked of me, then I know that I can do it. I don't know many things yet, but here are some things that I do know:

My Heavenly Father loves me
I have been blessed with a wonderful family--including my extended family
I'm supposed to be at BYU
I am beautiful and I have a beautiful smile and light
Someday I will find a man who will love me enough to take me to the temple
I want to be happy and I'm willing to fight for it
I deserve more than I've been given by those two people
I'm not perfect, but I am righteous
I want to go to the temple and on a mission
There are trials in front of me that I need to prepare for now
I'm a good leader
There are people cheering me on
I have a purpose--I'm not sure what it is, but I know I have one
God's plan for me is infinitely better than my plan for myself
I should never doubt that I will make it through my trials

I have so much to share right now. Expect some posts in the future about my mission, receiving my Patriarchal blessing, things I'm grateful for, etc.

In closing, I just want to let you know that I am determined to be happy, positive, better, stronger, and more reliant on my Savior.