"I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you. I wish I could run to you. And I hope you know that every time I don't, I almost do."
As pathetic as this may be, after everything that has happened, three months after the fact, I still have feelings for you. I've come to the realization that you could spit on me, rip out my hair, call me horrible names...but my feelings for you wouldn't change. You could step all over me or break my heart a million times, but I would still feel the same. Why? Because I served you. I helped you through some of the greatest challenges you've ever experienced. When you serve someone, you see them the way the Father and the Son see them. I see you as a child of God. He loves you and He has a wonderful purpose for you. I'm so excited for your future. I'm excited for the things you have learned and the things you have yet to learn.
And because I care about you, I sometimes have the strongest desire to call you, or show up at your door. I long to talk with you one more time. I'll keep praying that you'll invite me back into your life. Until then, every time I want to talk to you--every time I'm about to give in--I do two things. The first is that I pray. I immediately fall to my knees and cry to my Heavenly Father. The second is that I call one of my Grandmas. Those two women always know what to say to comfort me. I believe that comes from a lifetime of righteousness and service to God.
I guess what I'm trying to get at with this post are three things:
1) I still miss you and want to maintain a friendship with you.
2) I love and appreciate my Grandmas so much.
3) My period started AGAIN. This would be #5 since moving out less than 3 months ago. Every week I'm either on it or I'm pmsing, which has been a complete joy. So if I come off as really emotional, it's because I am. ALL THE TIME.
That's all. I'm going to bed now.
PS-I love you Mom and I am okay:)