Sunday, November 4, 2012

I wish I knew how to explain everything that I'm feeling.



I apologize for the super emotionally crazy posts that I've been writing lately. I have no other justification except that I've been going through a lot of changes. I struggle with adjusting to change, so sometimes I just freak out. One of my biggest weaknesses is not being able to control my emotions. I realize that this causes myself a lot of pain, so I'm going to work on it. I promise. I also don't want to try and cover my emotions. If I'm sad, I want to be upfront about it. But I don't want to be overwhelmingly honest. I feel like I've learned a lot about myself, my limitations, and my testimony in the past few months. I have a lot left to learn!

Here's something that's been causing me some distress:

In the past week, I had two people who were important to me tell me that they don't want to be a part of my life anymore. Of course they verbalized it differently, but that's the basic effect. 

I'm not sure what to think about this. I already know that this isn't something that I want to bring me down, but then I think about all of the months I have ahead of me...I can't bear the thought of being without them. But if this is what's asked of me, then I know that I can do it. I don't know many things yet, but here are some things that I do know:

My Heavenly Father loves me
I have been blessed with a wonderful family--including my extended family
I'm supposed to be at BYU
I am beautiful and I have a beautiful smile and light
Someday I will find a man who will love me enough to take me to the temple
I want to be happy and I'm willing to fight for it
I deserve more than I've been given by those two people
I'm not perfect, but I am righteous
I want to go to the temple and on a mission
There are trials in front of me that I need to prepare for now
I'm a good leader
There are people cheering me on
I have a purpose--I'm not sure what it is, but I know I have one
God's plan for me is infinitely better than my plan for myself
I should never doubt that I will make it through my trials

I have so much to share right now. Expect some posts in the future about my mission, receiving my Patriarchal blessing, things I'm grateful for, etc.

In closing, I just want to let you know that I am determined to be happy, positive, better, stronger, and more reliant on my Savior. 

3 comments:

  1. You get up each time you fall and you will always be ahead. You are the sum total of your experiences. You are strong because you can do hard things! Wub u gal.

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  2. I'm always rooting for you, Sarah dear.

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  3. I think that list of "things I do know" is a great one :) but you forgot to put in "I know my sister Lindsay is the coolest ever and she loves me"...just wanted to let you know!

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