I apologize for the super emotionally crazy posts that I've been writing lately. I have no other justification except that I've been going through a lot of changes. I struggle with adjusting to change, so sometimes I just freak out. One of my biggest weaknesses is not being able to control my emotions. I realize that this causes myself a lot of pain, so I'm going to work on it. I promise. I also don't want to try and cover my emotions. If I'm sad, I want to be upfront about it. But I don't want to be overwhelmingly honest. I feel like I've learned a lot about myself, my limitations, and my testimony in the past few months. I have a lot left to learn!
Here's something that's been causing me some distress:
In the past week, I had two people who were important to me tell me that they don't want to be a part of my life anymore. Of course they verbalized it differently, but that's the basic effect.
I'm not sure what to think about this. I already know that this isn't something that I want to bring me down, but then I think about all of the months I have ahead of me...I can't bear the thought of being without them. But if this is what's asked of me, then I know that I can do it. I don't know many things yet, but here are some things that I do know:
My Heavenly Father loves me
I have been blessed with a wonderful family--including my extended family
I'm supposed to be at BYU
I am beautiful and I have a beautiful smile and light
Someday I will find a man who will love me enough to take me to the temple
I want to be happy and I'm willing to fight for it
I deserve more than I've been given by those two people
I'm not perfect, but I am righteous
I want to go to the temple and on a mission
There are trials in front of me that I need to prepare for now
I'm a good leader
There are people cheering me on
I have a purpose--I'm not sure what it is, but I know I have one
God's plan for me is infinitely better than my plan for myself
I should never doubt that I will make it through my trials
I have so much to share right now. Expect some posts in the future about my mission, receiving my Patriarchal blessing, things I'm grateful for, etc.
In closing, I just want to let you know that I am determined to be happy, positive, better, stronger, and more reliant on my Savior.