I apologize. The pathetic-ness times have become few and far between. I'm okay, I just need to give in every once in a while. I'm in a battle between trying to get over it and trying to confront my feelings. I don't want to repress anything, but I also don't want to give in to my emotions too often. I was talking with my doctor and we decided that by the end of December, I wouldn't let this bother me anymore. I plan on sticking to that. After December I will have no more breakdowns. I think that's sufficient time to heal.
Last night my Dad gave me a big hug and said something that I knew, but didn't know well enough: NO guy is EVER worth that many tears. Why would I even want to be with someone who makes me feel this way? I thought about it a lot and came the realization that I want someone who is on my level. I did so much pulling in that relationship. I want someone who is naturally hard working. Someone who wants to give me the world. When I find the right guy, he'll be worth the tears, but he won't make me need to use them.
My Dad is the greatest man I have ever been privileged to know. He is extremely dedicated and hard working. He provides, presides over, and protects me. He is funny, serious, kind, and helpful. He always knows exactly what to say. He excels in his business as well as magnifies every calling he's given. My brother in law Robert is right up next to my Dad. When Lindsay and Rob met, he was just about to graduate from BYU. He had a nice paying job lined up. He doesn't love his work, but he works tirelessly anyway for my sister. They've been able to purchase a beautiful home and fill it with nice things. Rob is funny and loving and the brother I've always wanted. My Dad and brother have truly set a high standard for whoever my future husband is. I plan on finding someone like them.
Of course, in the mean time, that means I have a lot of work to do. I figure that the more I prepare myself, the more worthy I'll be of someone like them. Those men are great, and so are my Mom and sister Lindsay. I want to be deserving of a beautiful eternal marriage. I'm so so so grateful for a Mom and Dad who have taught me to not settle for less.