Tuesday, May 28, 2013

more things you probably didn't know about me.

I cry when I watch Mommy-themed Olympics commercials
I cry when I watch Mormon Messages
And apparently, I cry when I go to the National Archives
My favorite book is “Jane Eyre”
I never thought that Ethan Craft was attractive
My family used to own a dog named Taizo
If MoTab isn’t playing in the background, I can’t sleep at night
My senior prom dress and I are never ever ever getting back together…it is WAY too small
Rain almost always makes me sad—I dislike that about myself
I watched “Becoming Jane” three days in a row after the first time I saw it
Sometimes I pray while looking at the moon (it’s not weird)
If Lindsay names a daughter Matilda before I do…there will be consequences
My all-time favorite song (since 8th grade) is “You and Me” by Lifehouse
I only ever use milk as a means to an end
In the winter, I go as loooong as possible without shaving
It’s been about five and a half years since I last had chocolate
Even though I’m quarter Asian, I’m white because of the aforementioned random fact
I only know one guy who can cut his hair and still look good (besides my Dad)
When I was younger, people said I looked like a porcelain doll
Love love love debate, but hate arguing
Speaking of debate, my coach still has my grad announcement on his fridge
I dyed my hair red, no one noticed, and it washed out after a week
I passed AP Bio, but my little sister scored higher than me
For my birthday, all I want is a new set of the standard works

Oh, and I love you :)
but hopefully you already knew that.
(Especially you, Mom.)

Monday, May 27, 2013


Moving is like moving on from something or someone. I boxed up the memories and walked through the ghostly empty rooms. Everything was gone and over and finished. As I walked through the front door for the last time, my heart ached for the things I have lost. Moving is like moving on because you have no other choice. It can be easy or hard, but it doesn't matter because you have to do it either way. I glanced back while driving away, knowing that I’ll never go back. I can drive by, just like how I can listen to the old songs or look through the old pictures, but I can’t go back.

Then I arrived in Provo, and felt home again. I'm so blessed to be here.

Monday, May 20, 2013

this girl loves you.

The best and worst thing about me is my heart. I just naturally love and care about people. A friend once described my heart as being giant chunks that I can’t help but drop everywhere I go. It spills out all over the place and gets onto everyone and everything. I have a tendency to throw myself at people. I trust far too easily. I have a hard time saying goodbye, letting go, and moving on. People quickly forget me, but I can’t make myself give up. I fight and fight until I become a broken mess of miserable loneliness. To protect myself, I burn bridges and build walls. But I never stop loving. It’s more painful than I even know how to put into words.

Yet it’s also the greatest blessing—to be able to love so deeply and willingly. In fact, I think it’s a spiritual gift. I would rather feel everything as intensely as I do than be apathetic.

And so, if you're reading this, please know that I love you. I'm crazy, controlling, emotional, and not always the best friend that I could be. Please forgive my shortcomings and know that no matter what, I won't give up on you.

Friday, May 10, 2013


May is already one third over? I'm not even finished with April yet! Every day feels so long but the weeks are passing quickly.

I've finally accepted my answer: my next big step is waiting eight months to submit my mission papers. 

After being told to wait, I kept praying for a direction. What do I do now? What's my next step? What does God have in store for me? I received a consistent answer--one that I didn't like. I have a lot of extra time to prepare. The changes I'll make over the next eight months won't come quickly, but will be  line upon line, precept upon precept. I wish I could do something big, like build a school in Africa or spend a semester abroad or change the world. But that's not my answer. The big thing I'll be doing is waiting a big amount of time.

But I dislike thinking of it as waiting. I'm not waiting. I'm preparing. I'm becoming better. I'm doing the small and simple things every day that will bring about great things in the future. 

I'm adjusting to a south-of-campus ward. I'm working part time cleaning the JFSB. I'm taking eight credits. I'm having companion study with my roommate. I'm going to the temple regularly. I'm hopefully influencing others for good. Moving forward with my life will help me overcome my anxiety, become long suffering, learn how to be hard working, invite the Holy Spirit, and prepare for full-time missionary service. When I think about how much I've changed in the past seven months since the mission age change announcement, I'm excited to see what I will be like in eight more months.

I'm praying praying praying, desperately trying to align my will with His.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

It was a strange day for the UCRP.

Today I attended my second convention as a delegate for the Utah County Republican Party! First of all, let us all take a few moments to appreciate how cute I looked. This is future politician material right here!

Next, we are going to stare lovingly at the wonderful sight of the political process in action! Please note the beautiful American flags lining the walkway <3

Now, this is what actually happened: the day carried on with meeting candidates, honoring veterans, hearing speeches, and casting an informed ballot for party officers and State Central Committee members. And yes, I did again meet Jason Chaffetz. I reminded him that I am his biggest fan and he let me know that he's excited to give me a tour of Capitol Hill in ten days.

It was a strange day for the UCRP because of the results of the election. The new party chair is Casey Voeks, a 24-year-old who runs the Space Center and never attended college, but headed the Mia Love campaign. The office of vice party chair was won by Daryl Acumen, an African American nonmember from back East. Those two definitely do NOT fit the typical "old white men" stereotype of the GOP. Well, I guess as an 18-year-old girl who's quarter Asian, I don't quite fit the bill either :)

For the information of my precinct members: I voted for both Daryl and Casey. I liked the enthusiasm they brought to the table, especially in wanting to attract the youth vote. As a part of the rising generation, I want to help more college students become actively involved in politics. Additionally, I feel that a lot more could be done to improve on the use of social media and current data, things which both new officers seem capable of. (Of course there are many more reasons, and I would love for you to contact me if you have any questions!)

Also, the new members of the State Central Committee that are representing Senate Districts 11 & 13 are David Lifferth, Heather Williamson, Becky Pirente, and Melissa Gonzalez. (Only these four were present, and I feel confident in having all of them represent me.)

I'm grateful for the caucus system in Utah that enables informed and invested citizens to work closely with candidates to ensure that our party produces the best nominees possible! I would encourage every Utah voter to learn more about how the caucus system works and why it needs to be protected.

Friday, May 3, 2013

My Makua

My classes for spring term are MCom, Mission prep, and Marketing. I really enjoy the alliteration. :) But do you know what my favorite M-word is?


This is a shout out to the woman who has done everything for me. (Including a live birth!) Thank you dearest Mommy for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for the home cooked meals, early curfew, strict discipline, and family scripture study sessions at 6 every morning. Thank you for attending my state debate competition, too many orchestra concerts, and billions of hula shows. Out of four girls, I'm the one who looks most like her. I am so lucky!!! 

My Mom also gives the best hugs! <3

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Hi I'm still alive :)

Friends and family, 

I apologize for being MIA this past month! Lots and lots has been going on:

I dated an amazing guy.
I fried my finals and earned a 4.0.
I moved back home.
I moved back out.
I climbed a tree and got a scar on my arm.
I got a job.
I learned how to whistle.
I started new classes.
I gave up on trying to wear make up every day.
I attended a wedding.
I met some candidates.
I stayed up way too late.
I bought a billion books at the DI.
I baked cheesecake cookies.
I said goodbye to people I love.
I had dinner with my grandpa.
I hugged Elder Baxter of the seventy.
I hugged a lot of people.
I cried because that's what I do.

AND, most importantly, I gained a stronger testimony of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Gospel is true. I'm grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who has a plan for me, even when it's not what I had in mind for myself. 

(The temple and Book of Mormon and MoTab are also true.)

Floating lanterns are likewise true.


I knew this day was coming, but I didn't know it would be so hard to say goodbye. I don't think I have ever cried as desperately as I did while in my car driving home at two last night. I didn't know sadness could be so loud. 

But I also didn't know that happiness could be so real. I didn't know it was possible to fall in love again.  You taught me what it means to be treated with kindness and respect. Never in my life have I been given so much careful attention. I understand now what I deserve and what I can expect. Thank you for teaching me those things.

I miss you, Peter.