Wednesday, June 19, 2013

a long one for the ones who care.

Well friends, Spring Term at BYU been an amazing journey for Sarah Kala Crandall.

Here's what I know you've all been dying to hear:

He broke up with me. 
Over text message. 
The day before my birthday. 

Will someone please justify my feelings so that I can feel validated? Thank you.

In dating and losing him, I've learned a few things. First, it is possible to have feelings for another person. Second, I will never ever date anyone who isn't absolutely crazy about me ever again. 

Boyfriend #1 was crazy about me. He gave me everything he could. Our relationship was incredibly deep. No longer was it cutesy and fun...love is hard, hard work. We were a powerhouse couple, and a great team. Boyfriend #2 liked me, and we did genuinely care about each other, but towards the end I could feel him pulling away. We didn't have much time to develop a strong relationship. So in losing Boyfriend #2, it's made me miss Boyfriend #1 again. I can't believe how lucky I was to have someone that in love with me. It's disappointing to know that we broke up at a time when we were both going through major health challenges. We weren't ourselves. However, I don't regret our separation. I've learned so much in the past ten months that I couldn't have learned otherwise. I'm so proud of his decision to faithfully serve a mission and I know that he is exactly where he is supposed to be.

In a similar manner, I know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be: In Provo, making friends, working hard, preparing for a mission, and continuing my education. (Although that last part is really starting to wear on me.)

Besides that, my heart is still big and full and warm and happy. Every day, I have to make a decision. Do I let the constant rejection make me cold? No. I was given the spiritual gift of love for a reason--to bless the lives of others. I will love love love no matter what.

I know that God has a plan for me, including a wonderful husband. Being the planner that I am, it can be frustrating to not know who he is yet. But I'm sure that he will be everything I deserve and more. As for right now, I have the most amazing family on this side of the universe and I look forward to finding more ways to serve them. I know that one of the best ways that I can bless my family is to serve an honorable full-time mission.

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