Monday, September 23, 2013

:)

Hi.

I don't know what to say.

My life has kind of been all over the place, but I'm happy. Sometimes I'm not sure I fully comprehend what I've gotten myself into. That's where faith comes in, right? When I think about how much my life has changed in the past 18 months, and how much I've matured, and the many difficult and stretching experiences I've had, it feels overwhelming. Yet, March of my senior year? It seems like yesterday. 

The past 18 months have been some of the hardest and most rewarding of my life. I know that the next 18 will be the same, except at a more accelerated rate. While I'm gone, I hope you remember my testimony. The good news of the Gospel is that Christ is our Savior and he performed a perfect Atonement, he died on our behalf, and now he lives for us. Because of Jesus Christ, we can return to live in the presence of God. The Church is true, and it provides everything we need to endure faithfully to the end.

You can see mission updates on my new blog, sistercrandall.blogspot.com, or email me at scrandall@myldsmail.net. I love you all so dearly.

Sister Crandall :)

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

"happiness is an inside job."

I saw that quote on the Lehi Fort Knox Storage sign. I couldn't agree more:)

This post is semi-related to the quote, but also includes some of my thoughts and feelings one week before entering the MTC:

When we truly understand the purpose of life, the trials placed before us become opportunities. "This life is the time for men to prepare to meet God." Everything we experience is preparatory to our returning to His presence. The way we deal with our challenges influences our progress and conversion. When we really understand that, we can be of good cheer knowing that our trials make us more like God.

The past few weeks have been really difficult for me because of the things and people I've given up. I finally realized why it's so frustrating to me. I've been babysitting nearly three or four times a week for this lady in my ward, and I love her life. I love her kids, her home, her situation, everything. I want so badly to be a wife and a mother! And it was right in front of me! It was in my grasp, but I let it go.

Why? Because I want to serve a mission. I want to prepare for motherhood. I want to serve God! I want these experiences. Because I prayed about it and it felt right. Because I don't think I'm ready, and because even though he's an amazing guy, I don't think it's right. The past few weeks have been hard because I'm human, and I feel human things. I'm so grateful that the atonement can heal us from every mortal weakness. In fact, Christ's perfect atonement and resurrection heal us from mortality!

Despite all of the difficult thinking and decision making and reaffirming I've gone through, I have never been happier in my life :) I feel no regret. I know that I made the right decision and I know that I will be a wonderful missionary because I am worthy of guidance from the Holy Ghost. I'm grateful for everything I have ever gone through that has brought me to this point.

In six and a half days, I will enter the Provo MTC, set apart as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I testify that nothing will bring you more happiness than serving God :)

Monday, September 16, 2013

nine days:)

TODAY I GOT ANOTHER EMAIL. SERIOUSLY, IS THIS HOW GIRLS FEEL EVERY WEEK THEY GET AN EMAIL FROM THEIR MISSIONARY??? THIS IS AWESOME. After going on lots of dates and being in two relationships over the past year, I've realized how kick-butt my high school sweetheart was. Even though we went 9 months without speaking, I'm so grateful that he's responded to my emails these past two weeks. I can't say that I love him, and I definitely don't want to be trunky...but I'm so excited to hear about his mission experiences. He's the same person, except so much better at the same time.

Anyway, I have nine days left until I leave on my own mission! I am so excited:) Yesterday was my first of two farewells. I said goodbye to my two best friends. Jenna is going to be married to Andrew in December in the Manti Temple. I couldn't be happier or more proud! Clarissa is leaving on her own mission next month in Charlotte, North Carolina. I look forward to being reunited with her at her homecoming:)

Sisters in Zion
It's strange saying goodbye to the people who mean so much to me, but I feel filled with the faith to move mountains. I'm not afraid or anxious or sad anymore. I'm excited for the ways our relationships will progress. I've been attending Young Women's the past few weeks, and the lesson was on tithing. I commented that God is willing to give us everything that he has! (See the Oath and Covenant of the Priesthood, D&C 84.) To be willing to give up everything we have is a quality of godliness. He asks for 10% of our income, but for all of our will. God wants all of us, all of the time. The other 90% that we keep should be used to build up the Kingdom of God. That includes providing for our temporal needs, bettering ourselves with education, and donating to charity. When you truly want to give all of yourself to God, it feels amazing. The Church is true, and I am so blessed to be able to turn my life to Him for the next 18 months:)

Monday, September 9, 2013

YAY SEPTEMBER!!!

I GOT AN EMAIL.
I GOT AN EMAIL.
I GOT AN EMAIL.

Seriously nothing could ruin this day.

SDGPOAIJSER;A LKWJDOASIDJVOEAWGF.

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY.

YAYYYYY!!!!!!! :) :)

Sunday, September 8, 2013

yay september.

He kept asking why he needed to apologize to me, and I guess "my feelings were hurt" isn't reason enough. Maybe he did the right thing--but in doing the right thing, my heart was broken. He could apologize if he wanted to. I mean, I apologized to him for my faults. And then he pointed out my other faults, which I also apologized for.

So I ended the call and ran to my good friend, President Eyring.

"Many of you have felt fear in approaching someone you have offended or who has hurt you...I challenge you to go for the Lord to someone, despite any fear you may have, to extend love and forgiveness. I promise you that as you do, you will feel the love of the Savior for that person and His love for you, and it will not seem to come from a great distance."

I still love him, but differently. And that's enough to let me move on. I don't want to be with someone who is always right. I want a relationship based on apologies and forgiveness, patience, kindness, love. And I want to be ready first. (Which includes serving my mission.)

I don't know who he is yet, but he will be a lucky guy to have me :)

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

twenty-two days left!

Sorry for angsty posts. What can I say? I'm still a teenager ;)


Right now my life consists of completing my pre-mission to do list. It's harder than ever to stay focused, especially since I wish I was starting classes like most of my friends are. Can't everyone in the world put their lives on hold for the next 18 months and 22 days? I wonder if other missionaries feel this way, too. It seems like everyone but me is partying, dating, working, and studying. I think it's a tender mercy that I'm able to leave so soon. September 25th can't come fast enough!

Also, here's something to chew on: Fear is a tool of the adversary, not God. God will use godly sorrow or remorse to lead us to action, or He'll use a stupor of thought; however, God will not use fear to show us that we're on the wrong path. I've been excited, but also scared out of my mind. Am I actually capable of doing this? Did I make the right decision? Yes, because "God hath not given [me] the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." I feel this most strongly when I am in the temple, without the influence of the devil. I have power because of my temple covenants. I am serving a mission because of the love I have for God and His glory. I have a sound mind because of the mental and emotional preparation I've done.